So I'm still one of those people that uses Facebook out of my generation. I follow a lot of really awesome Facebook pages that bring light and laughter into my online life. Such as Upworthy . A few minutes ago I was scrolling down my feed and came across a post from a question and answer video of Dan Savage. He goes on a really awesome rant about relationships that I want to share. Because he is so honest and so real, and everyone who is single needs to see it.
This is a condensed written version of his speech. Here is the link to the video
Warning: He does cuss.
"There is no settling down without some settling for. There is no long-term relationship without not just putting up with your partner's flaws, but accepting them and then pretending they aren't there. And we like to call it, in my house, 'paying the price of admission.' ...
Your boyfriend who chews with his mouth open, you can say, 'Chew with your fucking mouth shut,' and hopefully he'll get there. But if he never does, him chewing with his mouth open might be the price of admission. ...
And you can't have a long-term relationship with someone unless you're willing to identify the things, you know, the prices of admission you're willing to pay, and the ones you're not. But the ones you're not, the list of things you're not willing to put up with, you really have to be able to count it on one hand. And it can't be superficial bullshit like chews with the mouth open.
When we were young, we had to say, you know, there's someone out there who's perfect for me. ...
'The one' doesn't fucking exist. 'The one' is a lie. But the beautiful part of the lie is that it's a lie you can tell yourself.
A long-term relationship that's successful is really a myth that two people create together ... and myths are built of lies. There's usually some kernel of truth.
My boyfriend and I have a relationship built on a solid foundation of lies and deceit. When you think about it, you meet somebody for the first time, and they're not presenting, you know, their warts-and-all self to you. They're presenting their idealized self to you. They are leading with their best. ... And then eventually you're farting in front of each other.
Eventually you get to see the person who is behind that facade of their best. ... And they get to see the person behind your facade. You know, your lie self.
And what's beautiful about a long-term relationship, and what can be transformative about it, is I pretend every day that my boyfriend is the lie that I met when I first met him. And he does the same favor to me.
And we then are obligated to live up to the lies we told each other about who we are. We are then forced to be better people than we actually are, because it's expected of us by each other.
And you can, in a long-term relationship, really make your lie self come true. ...
And that's the only way you become 'the one.' It's because somebody who is willing to pretend you are 'the one' that they were waiting for, 'the one' they wanted. Their'one.'
Because you're not. Nobody is.
No two people are perfect for each other. Ever. Period."
There is not much to add on to what Dave Savage said. Everything he said is so true. We put on a mask every time we leave the comfort zone of our closest friends and family, we act on our best behavior, in a way that we think would make us most appealing and presentable to other people. This happens outside of the dating world, it happens in school, meeting new friends, meeting teachers, Job interviews, going to the mall, our instagrams. We try to make ourselves look like our most perfect selves, when the reality of it is, is that we all have imperfections. We all have flaws, we all have made mistakes and we will all continue to make mistakes daily through out our entire lives. Our flaws are what make us unique, our flaws are what make up beautiful. That's why I named my tumblr Flawed Mystique . I feel like true happiness are those moments when you don't have to fear being yourself. When I can burp as loud as I want and know that its accepted, when I can wear sweat pants because I just feel like it and to have people around me that don't care what I wear but care more about being with me. When I can say all of the random junk that flies around in my head and word vomit crazy things that my friends write down and make a quote book of because its so ridiculous and so funny. True happiness is being true to yourself, and by letting all of your flaws and imperfections shine through without hiding them.
I don't think putting on an initial front is bad, and its something that won't ever go away, its natural and understandable. But just be aware that everyone is imperfect, and that imperfect people are lovable. Otherwise we wouldn't be loved ourselves. And when it comes to dating, which is something I am doing a lot of these days, I try to not put on too much of a front and mask, because I want people to accept me for me, and if they don't then they don't need to be a part of my life. Because I love all my flaws, I embrace all my quirks. And I think if everyone got to know themselves better and love themselves with all their blemishes then meeting new people wouldn't be so scary and the fronts we put on wouldn't be as big.